If you Give a Dog a Bone …

If you give a dog a bone…

He’ll take it…

He likes bones

he might even chew it …

for a minute…

until he finds your nick nack on the shelf…

and when you take your nick nack away

and give him a new toy

which put you out  $ 4.99

He will shred it

in less than 3 minutes

and eat a sweet potato instead

so you try a different kind of bone

a new bone….

and he yawns at you

So you try putting peanut butter on the bone

He likes peanut butter

but he licks it off

in less than 3 minutes

and then he chews your wall instead

so you soak the bone in hot water

maybe it will make the flavor irresistible

and he won’t get into mischief

because he will finally chew the bone

NOT so Much

apparently He is dreaming of how to get to space

so he can eat the planets

Maybe if you soak the other bone

Maybe the flavor of THAT bone will be irresistible

and he will stop chasing the cat

and stop eating your curtains

when the cat jumps in the window sill for safety



If you buy a more expensive “bone” for 8.99

he will chew it

for a 1/2 an hour

if you are lucky

but tomorrow the cupboards will be bare again

and you will be out 8.99

for a 1/2 hour of peace

but then

he will eat the eyes and nose  out of an old stuffy

at least the kids didn’t love that stuffy too much

at least he isn’t chewing his $20 leash in half

or chewing the legs of your tables

At least he is not eating your friends shoes

or your daughters shin guards

or  your laundry bag

Yep ~ if you give a dog an expensive bone

you might get a 1/2 hour  break from

pulling tampon boxes out of his mouth

or chasing him around the house

with flour in his mouth


You may not find shoes

chewed up on your floor

for a 1/2 an hour or so.

But you press on…

in hopes that one day this maniac Puppy will grow up

and stop chewing so aggressively


you keep finding expensive dog toys or bones

and you buy “one more” expensive toy made especially for dogs

or maybe 2 new toys

just in case this toy is the ONE  he can’t destroy

but you are WRONG

every. single. time.

and you wonder why you keep spending your money

on the manic dog who can chew through anything

in 3 minutes flat.

and you end up giving him the recycling

because it is free

even if he does shred it ALL. OVER.  your living room

or you end up

letting him rip apart your old couch pillow

that you never liked anyway

and your living room looks like a tornado hit it


but since you can’t be out doing this all day

and you can only borrow your friends dog so many days a week

you surrender

you pick your battles

you choose to let the dog shred pillows

and shred cardboard

and shred stuffys

all over your living room floor

Every. Single. Day.

for 9 months straight.

at least

the puppy isn’t continuing to ruin your walls

NO Merlin!

and he isn’t

eating your new 2 lb weights

(that is NOT a bone Merlin!)


You just keep buying 1.29 stuffys at the Good will

once in a while you are STUPID and  buy another  dog toy for 6.99

and wonder why he won’t play with it

like he did on the first day you brought it home!




that ONE day


because you LOVE him

even if he is a crazy psycho chewing mutt

He does make your kids happy.

This is my life with Merlin ~

Cute isn’t he…

He is starting to mellow out



small short windows of HOPE

Merlin will have his FIRST birthday next week

the day before Sammy’s 8th birthday!!

I know turning One will not stop the chewing

but I am starting to see light at the end of the destruction tunnel

I think.

Until then.

Laughter people…


it is how I cope!
well.. and stuffing and recycling all over my floor

just keep laughing

just keep laughing.


(sorry Julianna ~ I know this post does NOT give you Hope!)  =)

20 Responses | Add your Own

  • 1 Maria@PersonalizedSketches yazmış:

    oh dear! hahaha…I’m joining you with laughter! literally laughing through your whole post!

    So…glad that you can laugh! Merlin is just too dog-gone cute!

    Blessings & Aloha!

  • 2 Jen Gacek yazmış:

    Sounds a lot like what I’m going through with potty training!!

    But how could you resist such a cute face!

  • 3 Janna yazmış:

    I have a puppy too. He’s getting fixed on Friday, meaning 2 wks in a cone. He’s little, so not as destructive, but I can relate – there is nothing they won’t eat or chew. I have a 4 yr old daughter too, so we’ve found pieces of Polly Pockets, Petshop Pets and crayons in his poop. I know what you mean, they grab stuff and run under the bed or hide out to destroy their treasure.

  • 4 Jules yazmış:

    Oh my goodness! He is quite the handful. Thank goodness you have patience with that! He can only get better, right?

  • 5 Dina @ 4 Lettre Words yazmış:

    Soooo cute! And, I love that white & red Pyrex bowl!!

  • 6 kendra yazmış:

    Okay you have helped me a little in my “I really want a dog but hubby doesn’t” dilemna. I am quite happy with my unchewed house, I think I might stick with it for a while! 🙂

  • 7 blueviolet yazmış:

    That chewing and shredding is insane!!! Your patience is remarkable!!! He must be awfully cute and sweet when he’s not chewing.

  • 8 Becky yazmış:

    Been there…..ack! I feel your pain! Hopefully he will outgrow it! Ours did, but man it was hard waitingi!!!!

  • 9 Julianne yazmış:

    noooooooo! this is a window into a world I do not need! yikes…i’m on to the trainer NOW!

  • 10 Andrea yazmış:

    LOL!! I am so glad our puppy isn’t much of a chewer. Her thing is if we don’t notice her standing at the door to go out, she will quietly sneak into my kids’ rooms and do her business there. And that look incredibly guilty until I find it, and then ask to be picked up because she knows she’s in trouble but really, really cute.

    She’s lucky I love her! 😛 (and she turns one in a few weeks!)

  • 11 Julie yazmış:

    If you give THIS dog a bone…he’ll laugh in your face!!
    ha ha

    I’m sorry, I really am..but it is hilarious.

  • 12 JAS @ motherlawyercrazywoman.blogspot.com/ yazmış:

    He is SO SO cute! This post cracked me up! Thanks for the smile! I have never had a dog (more of a cat person) but the pursuit of the perfect bone reminds me when my son was an infant and I would have bought him a space shuttle if it promised to amuse him while I took a hot shower.

  • 13 Cindy yazmış:

    Sorry…too funny! Especially the tampon box!
    I am a die hard dog lover,but I do not miss those puppy days!!:)
    Enjoy the night

  • 14 tricia yazmış:

    I laughed soooo hard… especially since I had a St. Bernard who ate our giant wooden picnic table… another reason I am not prepared to go back to being a pet owner.

    Thanks for the giggles, jenny, love you!

  • 15 He & Me + 3 yazmış:

    OmGosh he is the dennis the mennis of doggies. LOL That is too funny. I mean the more pictures your were showing the harder i was laughing. That my friend is why we got us a doggie and not a puppie. past the teething and chew stage. BAaa Haaa. Cracking up. Tampons…where did he find those. Thanks for the laugh.

  • 16 Jen yazmış:

    I am really loving my crazy dog right now! Thanks for the reminder that it could be worse! Not sure how you can laugh but I am glad cause that is the cutest little guy! Hope there is some relief soon!

  • 17 Erin yazmış:

    This has me cracking up! Your dog is so adorable. Maybe that’s why God makes kids and animals cute, right? So they don’t get in as much trouble?

    I wanted to thank you for your comment today regarding comparison. I agree with you- sometimes surrendering comparison IS a daily battle. I struggle with it all the time. Thanks again for sharing, and I hope you’ll keep checking in.

    Good luck with the cutie pie 🙂

  • 18 Nancy yazmış:

    Ok. that made me feel so much better. My dog, Charlie, has chewed my window casings, countless toys, dog beds, plants, etc. We bought a toy that says it is indestructable. Yeah, right. It lasted 2 days. Our dogs should have a Chew Off together! 🙂

  • 19 Lindsay yazmış:

    Hi Jenn
    He sounds like such a mad dog but I tell how much you and your kids love him. Thanks for sharing all his mischief!

  • 20 Claudia yazmış:

    Oh man – this dog seems to be a big challenge – but he’s also irresistible cute 🙂